


Of Blood And Steel

by the_devil_in_georgia (the_devil_in_the_details2)



Category: Grishaverse - Fandom
Genre: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020, Inspired by Six of Crows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_devil_in_the_details2/pseuds/the_devil_in_georgia
Summary: Falling out of the sky is a surreal experience. First, all the oxygen in your lungs vanishes, burning them, sandpaper doing ballet in your throat. Then, you enter every stage of denial possible, ‘They would never do that to me! How is that possible!’And then the ground greets you with the Devil's smile.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Grishaverse Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

A spleen sustains my life. Not my own spleen. It was torn from someone’s chest and sewn into mine.  
Transactions must be made to keep the world running. The bustling city of Ketterdam is the best example. A couple of shiny coins could buy anything. A pastry, a cat, or a service to murder your worst enemy.  
Scowls follow me down the street, stopping the most rhythmic conversations. I clenched my hands into fists and kept my eyes on the windows. I’m here to do another transaction, too.   
Maybe it was the wings protruding from my back.  
A man scoffed, thumbs tucked behind his red suspenders’ straps, “Can you even talk? You’re just another Shu abomination,” he shoved his finger in my face.  
“Please move,” I instructed.  
“Why would I when something like you roams the streets of Ketterdam! You’ve got all the sky, give us the ground,”  
“Please move before I have to move you,”   
“What authority do you have?” the man asked, his foot stomping on the brick road.  
My fingers fumbled through my pocket as I reached for my papers. The gears in my arm whirred as I turned the paper around.  
“What a wicked country we live in,” he grumbled. The man wandered into a brothel, feathers fanned out around the door.  
Flicking a smile on my face, I continue down the street, silence looming over me. The source of the silence wasn’t me. A boy, or a man, age could not be determined upon his appearance, but young enough to have a glint of something in his eyes. Whether it be envy, revenge, hope, or mischief, a feeling stirred within me to leave. Run down the street, my boots slamming against the pavement. The boy stares at the other man sprawled out on the brick road.  
Slowly, I turn, my senses telling me to get as far away from this situation as possible.  
“You!” the boy yelled at me.  
“Sorry,” I turned back around.  
The boy ran his gloves through his raven hair, “Where are you going?”  
“First time in Ketterdam, I thought I’d take a look around,” I smiled.  
The man on the ground pressed his arms to the ground, pushing himself up. The boy pressed down on the man’s back with a cane. The man’s face went back into the road. The boy sighed, “Say, could you maybe fly this man up into the clouds and drop him from there?”  
“No, sir, while in Kerch I am not allowed to do anything other than what both the Kerch and Shu government have allowed me,” I explained.  
“Well, if you’re going to be useless, you should leave, go back with your squad, and tell them all about how they should waste their money at the Crow Club,” he grumbled. The man gave a small groan as he reached towards me, clawing at the bricks. The boy whacked him in the back of the head with his cane.  
I nodded, knowing full well I couldn’t do anything about the man. If I helped the man, the people would blame me for whatever they saw fit. The man seemed like he didn’t want my help anyway.  
The walk back to the makeshift quarters in an old brick hotel that leaned slightly to the left was filled with images of the boy and his cane with eyes that seemed to watch me. Judge me.   
Above the hotel’s green doors read, “The Phoenix Inn,” in chipped black paint. Vomit colored moss climbed the side of the bricks and water could be heard plopping in its clogged flood drains.  
The trek up the stairs took me only a few minutes, and I had finally arrived in the room set up with three bunks.  
My favorite of the Khergud in my squad was a girl who had joined alongside me. Lei always found a way to pile her hair up into the braids that the court ladies in Ahmrat Jen did. Her hands would work quickly through the braids and throw them up with several twists. How she knew to do this escaped me. When she got bored, she would braid my hair and pile it all into a bun. In order to ensure I didn’t slap her with my wings, I would keep them tucked in.  
Lei smiled, setting down her hairbrush. “Fancy seeing you here,”  
“You too,” I chuckled.  
“The others are still scoping out their section of the city,” Lei explained, “Captain Xia went to a bar or something, he didn’t specify,”  
“Sounds like Captain,”  
“So, big night tonight,” Lei looked out into the gray skies of Ketterdam, “and we’re in the worst city in the entire world,”  
“It’s not that bad,” I shrugged, “just a little rough around the edges, and a little bit scary at times.”  
“You can’t seriously be scared,” Lei laughed, “We’re made of Grisha steel! Nothing can cut through us!”  
“Do you ever wonder where they get all this Grisha steel from,” I asked her, “You know, because, Grisha kind of have to be there to make it, and if I have their spleen, then they can’t be alive,”  
“Are you suggesting that we put them in some secret facility and made them work for us?” Lei asked.  
“Yeah,”  
“Well, it’s not something our country wouldn’t do,” she shrugged her shoulders.  
I flopped onto my cot and shut my eyes, “I should probably just go to sleep before I say anything else that could be self-incriminating,”  
“Oooh! Self-incriminating you say?” Lei sat on my stomach, I let out a small groan.  
“Listen, like any citizen of Shu Han, I have a few problems with the way our government is, but I will never speak those,” I said.  
“Are you saying that you’re not oh-so grateful to the country that gave you an absolutely terrible second life?” Lei poked my nose with each word, “Sweetie, we’ve all been there.”  
“Like, how many spirits did I piss off to get here? Was I a war criminal in my last life?” I grabbed Lei’s arm, “How will I ever carry on?”  
“At least we get well-fed now,” Lei pointed out, “Most of the country is starving to death.” She stood up her tiny figure reminding me of the dancer’s back home.   
I smiled at her and gave her a gentle shove.  
“Why’d you do that?”   
“Because,”  
She rolled her eyes shoved me back, “We should probably be taking a nap so we don’t die later tonight,”  
“You’re right,”  
“But I don’t really want to,”  
“We can just pray to some ancestral spirits and hope they’re on our sides this once,” I suggested, “Then we won’t have to worry about being tired,”  
She nodded and sat on my cot. Slowly, we both drifted off in the drone of our conversation. The warmth of the other slowly inching through the steel and pressing upon the skin that was left behind.  
A young girl twirled around a bright garden, the dirt sticking to her boots. Her elbow stuck out like glass, but a smile stretched from ear to ear on her. She stopped dancing for a moment to run over and grab her grandmother’s hands, her lips moving quickly, speaking my mother tongue. Her grandmother gently smiled and heaved herself off of her chair and started to dance with the girl. The faded ends of their deels swayed with each of their movements. A man stepped out of a house, a morin khuur in hand. He urged me to pick mine up, too. I slowly picked mine up and joined in with his melody. I turned towards the man, his face crinkling up as he laughed at the young girl and the old woman dancing.  
Captain Xia shook me awake, alcohol stinging my nostrils. “Wake up scrap metal.” he put a cigar in his mouth and lit it as he walked away.  
Lei smiled at me, her hair already piled and pinned back into its bun. I sighed and quickly threw my hair up into a bun that the court ladies would mock.  
Captain Xia smiled, puffing smoke into the room, “Now that you’re all awake, I’ll explain the plan, Zhao and Lei will be the ones to first go in, Temka follows if back up is needed, Lifen is stationed in the belltower to swoop down and follow once things start going wrong, and Eknush will fly around the perimeter to make sure the witch doesn’t run away. Clear?”  
“Clear,” the room responded in unison.  
Captain dismissed us, and the squad poured out the door.  
“Lei,” I mumbled, “Stay here for a minute,”  
Lei smiled back at me, “What is it Lifen?”  
“I had a dream last night, I was playing the morin khuur,” I explained, “And… and there was no…”  
Lei chuckled, “You must have some memory of your past life! I’ve heard from others about those types of dreams. Although, usually after they told me they went to go and get it fixed. Another memory cleanse,”  
“No Lei, I don’t think you understand,” I bit my lip, “It all felt so real, I could taste the air.”  
Lei snapped and pointed at me, “Oh! I know! You had a lucid dream!”  
I sighed and redid the button of my shirt, recalling what Captain said, “We wear Kerch clothes in Ketterdam, no deels or chenyi here. We already stand out.” The fabric scratched my skin and couldn’t provide the warmth of a deel.  
She shrugged her shoulders, “Lifen, just, go out there and have a good time!”  
I frowned at her and spilled out the door to follow the rest of the squad.  
The moon hung in the sky like a streetlamp, dark gray clouds spat rain on the streets. One by one, a pair of metal wings lifted off into the sky.   
I tugged goggles out of my pocket and ran forwards, jumping as I reached Captain. My wings fluttered, as they reached the billowing clouds they slowed their tempo. I pulled the goggles over my eyes, wiping the raindrops off of them.  
I found my place at the belltower and crouched on the roof, my foot finding the grooves between the shingles.  
During the day, my nose picks up too many scents. Decaying food, roses, dead fish, and bakery bread. At night, when fewer people are out, my nose can focus. The smell of the rain, the sweat on my skin, and most importantly, Grisha.  
Grisha smelled like what a magic shop might smell like. Lotus flowers, carrots, smoke, and a hint of sugar. The sweet smell brings Khergud flocking in. Bees to sugar. Moths to lights. The smell was riveting for Khergud, it puts all of us on high alert. The stench was nicknamed, “Witch Aroma,” by the trainers.  
But, with the majority of Grisha on the ground and not in the skies, the nose fails and eyes succeed.  
Lei let out a screech, “Lifen!”  
I felt the blood leave my face. At the bottom of the belltower I found a Grisha boy with big blue eyes and curly brown hair run into the belltower. I followed him in, slamming the door behind me.   
He lit up two sparks in his hands, “Go away!” he screamed as he started to slowly back up the stairs, “I never wanted any of this to happen,”  
I took a step towards the boy, a smile on my face, “Little boy, we’re not going to hurt you if you turn yourself in now,”  
The boy’s face went pale, the sparks in his hands grew, “Don’t make me… make me hurt you,”  
The noise of morin khuur started humming through my mind, the girl dancing and tugging her grandma into the dance. I bit my tongue as I lunged for the kid and grabbed him, “You’re just a kid,”  
“I’m just a kid!” He shrieked, “Exactly! I have so much life to live! I don’t want to work for one of those merchants, or get torn apart by the Shu, or executed by Fjederans!”  
My grip loosened.  
The boy tore out of my arms and ran up the stairs.  
“Little boy,” I started, “you smell sweet so the others will tear you apart,”  
“What?”   
“We are Khergud, scary winged people. You can’t simply run out of here, they will tear you apart starting with your eyes,”  
The kid let out a whimper, “I can’t die here! Not now!”  
“No, but,” I looked up hearing the pound of rain echo in the building, “I can help you escape with your life,”  
“No! You’re just going to kill me! What makes you different from the ones that ripped my parents apart!” he screamed.  
I sighed, “Nothing, but you must trust me,”  
The boy nodded.  
I beat my wings together and grabbed the boy by his shoulders, as he reflexively gripped on to my forearms. “Do not let go, it would be unwise,” I informed him, “We are going to fly out and hopefully not die,”  
My shirt clung to my skin, the boy’s hair straightening with each new droplet thrown at us. The boy let out a scream.  
I jerked my head to look behind me. Lei and Temka were flying after me. A frown pulled itself on my face as I flapped frantically. The boy looked up at me, “Don’t let them get me,” he shrieked.  
“Listen, I’m not putting my neck on the line just to let you die,” I assured him.  
“Arrow! That man on the ground has an arrow!” the boy cried.  
Captain Xia stood there with a smile on his face and weapon in hand.  
“Hate to break it to you kid, that’s not an arrow,”  
“What is it then?”  
“A harpoon maybe?”  
“A HARPOON?” he screamed.  
“Protocol, if your Khergud goes bad they must die at all costs,” I sighed, “I honestly don’t know if we’re both going to survive this fall,”  
The boy started sobbing, his arms shaking in my hands. I tried to zigzag my flight pattern, and started heading towards the stretch of forest that Ketterdam boasted behind.  
A sharp whistling sound erupted from my left side. I tucked the kid into a hug and pivoted. A harpoon pierced perfectly through the right-wing as the left continued to flap. The kid let out a scream as we started to head down.  
I tried my hardest to soar, blood spilled from the wing as the tops of pines grew closer. A second harpoon impaled my left-wing and I started spiraling down. I wrapped the wings in front of me, bundling the kid. Allowing myself to fall, I murmured a silent prayer to keep the kid alive.  
The man I considered a father stood on the ground cigar smoke concealing his face. A sobbing boy cradled in my arms who thought I would kill him, and a friend flying above me and chuckling and chanting, “Die, traitor!”  
Falling out of the sky is a surreal experience. First, all the oxygen in your lungs vanishes, burning them, sandpaper doing ballet in your throat. Then, you enter every stage of denial possible, ‘They would never do that to me! How is that possible!’   
The ground greeted me with a snap and spit gurgling out of my mouth. A pressure formed at my temples, my eyelids shut at the same pace a drunk man stumbles home.  
The boy cried over top of me, rain water dripping on to my face as I drifted to a distant land.


	2. Chapter 2

My head laid propped on an oak log, my two wings lying parallel to me. The boy had curled himself in my arms and shivered, his teeth chattering each time his mouth opened for a little snore. I brushed his brown curls out of his face and smiled at the kid. He could have been my little brother if he was from Shu Han. He could have been in the squads under me. They were all kids, no older than fifteen; their eyes shone as they watched demonstrations on how to rip a throat out.  
I scooped the kid tightly to me and mumbled the words I recalled from when I walked past the monastery.  
His eyes fluttered open. His blue eyes reflected a mechanical mess. “You’re awake,” he mumbled.  
“How long was I out?”  
“A day?” he looked up at the sky, “I wasn’t paying close attention, just trying to get warm,”  
I nodded and pushed myself up and sighed at the harpoons impaling my wing, “You might want not to see my blood come out of my wing,”  
The boy nodded and rolled away from me and stared at a tree.  
I heaved in a breath fit for a monster seven times my size and ripped the harpoon out as quickly as possible. Crimson poured out and pooled on the steel. A scream tickled my lips as the barbs caught more tissue. The smell of rotting fish slapped my face as I yanked out the harpoon and ripped off the bottom of my pant leg. I stuffed the fabric into the hole, biting my lip as I felt the searing of the wound.  
I ripped the second harpoon out and stuffed more cloth into it.  
“Are you okay?” the boy asked.  
“I’m fine!” I snapped.  
“You’re just making a lot of pain noises,” the boy pointed out, “it scares me,”  
“You can turn back around; it’s out,”   
The boy sat down next to me, “Hello there,”  
“Hi,” I hugged my knees, not wanting to put my wings back on the ground.  
“My name is Sander, and you are?” he asked.  
“A big mistake,”  
Sander rolled his eyes, “You got me away from a group of bad guys when you were the bad guy,”  
“I shouldn’t have done that.” My eyes fell to a twig next to me. “I really shouldn’t have done that,”  
“Why not?” Sander asked.  
“They’re going to kill me, and Lei, and Captain Xia,” I put my hand to my forehead as a frown drooped on my face, “I wish those idiots didn’t take out my tear ducts!”  
“They took out your tear ducts?” Sander asked, “How do they do that?”  
“Kid, saving you was a mistake,” I started to claw at my eyes, “I should have just died!”  
Sander stood up and thew his hands in the air, “You’re weak!” he hissed, “You save me just to say, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this, I got a harpoon the wing, and now I can’t do anything!’ Bull!”  
I started to push my self up, “Listen, I don’t know what got-,”  
“I’m going to go out into the forest now and die because a weakling like you won’t help me,” he screamed, “I just watched my parents die, and you’re telling me to worry about people that might die?”  
I stopped pushing myself up and let myself fall to the ground, “What have I done?”  
“Are you afraid? Are you scared now!” Sander threw his arms back. He lowered his voice, both of his brows in straight lines, “Good. I hope you live the rest of your life, terrified.”  
The needles on the tree behind him caught fire.  
I gestured to the tree behind him, “You’re a….” I stared at the tree has the flames licked further along its branches, “a fire boy?”  
The boy glanced at the tree behind him and pressed out the fire on the needles, “I’m an Inferni, not a fire boy.”  
“Inferni?” The word felt unfamiliar to me. Never had we been taught the order of Grisha, despite hunting them.   
“Yes,”  
“How do you do that? Is it actually because of your spleen?”  
“How would I know?” Sander threw his hands up, “It’s not like I trained at the Little Palace,”  
I nodded, “I see, so can you control the fire at all?”  
“Of course, I can! How do you think I’ve lived in Ketterdam without setting buildings on fire when I got mad!” he pointed out.  
“Neat,”  
He rolled his eyes and turned on the ball of his foot, his tree-bark curls following him, “I’m going back to Ketterdam, and you can’t stop me.”  
“I can,” I said.  
“Why would you stop me? You don’t want me alive with the way you’ve been acting,”  
“The Khergud will find you there and kill you or take you back to Shu Han and tear you apart,” I informed him, “you choose which one is worse. It’s safer in the woods for you anyways, there are fruits and berries, and many things you could eat!”  
He cackled, “Do you know any of the plants that are around you right now?”  
“Well, the trees look similar, and I’ve seen that plant before,” I pointed at a tree, “I don’t know the Kerch name for it, but I’ve seen it around,”  
Sander laughed, “I’m a city kid, I have no idea what’s edible or not,”  
I nodded, “I have two harpoons, two mechanical arms that are made for physical combat against the world’s strongest people, and nothing else.”  
He pointed at my wings, “You have two giant wings that you can’t even use. If you want to go hunting, you will scare everything away. Ketterdam is the way to go.”  
I sighed, “Sander, how old are you?”  
“I’m thirteen.” He crossed his arms.  
“Exactly. I’m trained in advanced military strategy. I know that all this week, the Khergud is going to be looking for both of us. They will try to smell us out and find us,” I explained, “They’re going to kill us both if we go back,”  
Sander sighed, “I have two bodies to put in the ground, if they wind up on the Reaper’s Barge I don’t know what I’m going to do.”  
I sighed, “Give it a week. The bodies have to go through a whole system before they get burnt. Especially since they were murdered.”  
Sander fell on his back and stared at the trees above him, “Who are you?”  
I looked him in the eyes, “I’m Lifen, the idiot who saved you, and looks like I’m committed to keeping you alive for now.”


	3. Chapter 3

The sun beat us as we hunched over the stream. Attempting to throw harpoons at fish in lethal locations. Sander took a few tries to catch fish, but he eventually got it. We waded through the stream, slipping on rocks engulfed in moss. By the end of the day, we collected five fish and miscellaneous berries Sander had recognized along the way. He started a fire and we roasted the fish.  
“So, dying, how’d that feel?” Sander asked me.  
“I can’t remember, they stole all my memories,” I explained to him.  
“How--,” Sander tore his eyes away from the fire to look at me, “How on Earth do the Shu have no rules for what they can and can’t do with science? Like, the whole Grisha thing my parents half-explained makes more sense than that,”  
“Honestly speaking, all I know is that they bring us back to life, with a spleen, don’t think you want to know the details of where those come from, but,” I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m here, I guess.”  
Sander nodded. “Sometimes, nice people come from despicable backgrounds,”  
“Sander, do you like Shu poetry, or proverbs?” I asked him.  
“No, why?”  
“You sound like an aspiring poet,” I chuckled, “you’re just missing a safe dose of depression and nationalism.”  
“I heard Shu poetry was beautiful,” he said.  
I sighed, thinking back to the words that wove into pictures, feeling the flavor of them tickle my tongue, “They are, but they become filtered. You find a lot more of the real poetry, the old stuff, the stuff the government doesn’t want you to read, all the way out in the middle of nowhere in some old man’s collection.”  
“The middle of nowhere?”  
“Out towards the howling mountains that divide Ravka and Shu Han exist very rebellious people, Grisha people have some allies out there, but not all of them are,” I explained to him, “They’re quite unhappy with the Shu Han government. All of the nations that we annexed prefer to stay in their original tribes and some happen to be nomadic.”  
Sander nodded, “I wonder if Kerch was ever like that, they never talk about who was here before us.”  
I laughed, “No one was here before you.” I pulled my fish out of the fire and rotated it.  
Sander did the same. “Someone had to have been here at some point.”  
I shrugged.  
Days flew away in a blur of chucking harpoons at fish. Each day, Sander was developing a barking cough.  
He did not rise one morning. Biting my cheek, I threw wood on the fire and headed towards the stream.   
He never woke up until the sun was stuck in the middle of the sky.  
“I’m fine,” Sander mumbled, “living in the woods isn’t as bad as I thought it would be,”  
I put my hand on his forehead, cussing out the idiot who made it metal. A grumble bubbled out of my chest. “We need to go back to Ketterdam.”  
“No, give it a few more days, I’m sure it’ll go away. I always have some cold like this around this time of year,” Sander smiled up at me.  
“Okay, but you have to take it easy then,”  
“No, I have my own weight to haul,” he said.  
I sighed, “Please, don’t be difficult.”  
He chuckled and pushed himself up, “I guess I could do that.”  
Sander followed me around in the woods the next couple of days. With each day passed, his pace grew slower. A permanent blush had found itself on his nose. On the last day, Sander couldn’t get up.  
The sunset pigmented Sander’s canvas-like skin with oranges, his blush turning to a different tone.  
I sat next to him, humming and rocking on my toes. There was no way this kid could be dying. I had risked too much for him to die. If he did die, I could go back to Shu and tell them I killed the kid instead of betraying them. My teeth nibbled on my lip as I pondered the thought. Both of our problems would be solved that way.   
But Sander was too young. He had a life to live. The world was still bright in some places for him, which was more than I could ever think of having.  
I choked down a tear and picked the kid up. “That scary bastard in Ketterdam better be good with kids.”


	4. Chapter 4

Dodging the dim streetlights, I was a vampire in the dawn. Sander mumbled gibberish and his eyelids fluttered as I continued to sprint down the brick roads. The smell of lotus flowers wafting to my nose. I took in a deep breath and stopped breathing through my nose.  
“The man who looks like a walking corpse will help you,” I assured him as I turned onto a brick bridge.  
The Pheonix Inn sat dormant, the moss and vines still climbing up its sides. My feet halted in front of the building. A presence lingered in the top window. Staring. I let out a whimper and continued to sprint down the road, the stagecoaches dragging workers to factories. A worker with a backward hat and shocks of gray hair spat on me.  
The sky filled with angered storm clouds that churned as the ground rumbled. The smell of rain grew near me, a storm was coming. My grip on Sander tightened as I sprinted towards the road I had wandered down days ago.  
The building labeled, “The Crow Club,” had several stories, and tilted to the right, like a tipsy man walking home. The mumbling of drunks hummed inside the building. I took a deep breath and shoved the heavy black door.  
The hum of conversation stopped, the dealers dropped their cards, and one man turned two revolvers towards my head. The room fell stagnant.  
I gulped, “Don’t do that, please,”  
“Why not?” he asked, his eyes shone a copper under the yellow light.  
“Because you need to help this kid,” I said, raising Sander up a little bit further, “He’s my-- he’s a child.”  
The man pointed his revolvers at my foot, “He’s not one of you, without wings?”  
“They don’t make us without wings,” I explained, “just give this kid to the scary man and see if he can help him.”  
“The scary man?” he asked.  
“Yes, he was out on the street a while ago, he saw me,” I bit my lip, “Very pale, black hair, cane with eyes that follow you,”  
The man laughed, “You mean Kaz? He’s no healer, just a businessman,”  
“Can you help him?” I begged.  
“No,”  
Choking, I tried to force the child into his arms, “You have to know someone,”  
“I don’t know anyone who would work for free,” the man said, pushing Sander back towards me.  
Footsteps shuffled down the stairs, the clank of wood hitting wood sounding through the entire room. Gas lights lit the man’s face, a rigid jawline, and lips devoid of any color. His pale skin made the dark circles under his eyes seem deeper.  
“Scary man!” I yelled, “Help him!”  
“My name’s Kaz,” he chuckled, “What? Is that one of your own agents? Another dead one they brought back?”  
“No! I saved him, he hardly knows me,” I gasped for air as I felt my throat swelling shut, “He needs help, I’ll pay you back in any way possible, just save the child.”  
His stone face frowned a little, “I’ll help the kid.”  
I smiled at the man, “Thank-,”  
“But you’ll have to work for me, give me some insider’s information on Shu Han,” Kaz reached out his gloved hand, “And if you go back on your word, I can have you killed faster than you can say, ‘Sorry,’”  
Nodding, I balanced Sander in my arms and grabbed his hand, “Whatever it takes,”


	5. Chapter 5

With the help of a local Grisha, Sander got better. The blush on his face went away and his skin started to get brighter. At noon, I would sprint through the crowd dwelling on the stairs with soup in one hand and an apple in the other. Sander would slurp up the soup, and while waiting for the soup to cool, he would tell me about his strange feverish dreams about giant strawberry colored cows, seeing a council of gods that were all chickens, and the trees in the woods singing.  
Another Grisha had helped me mend the holes in my wings to finally make them functional. Kaz had paid for the whole process, assuring me that I could pay him back.  
As I was running upstairs to see Sander, Kaz stopped me before I could get up the stairs, “I have a few questions for you,” he smiled.  
I gulped and followed him into his office and sat in the chair with a red cushion.  
“How much do you know about Jurda Parem?” Kaz asked, opening a drawer and pulling out a pen and paper.  
“Not much, just whispers of it from Captain Xia and other people when I was at the court,” I explained to him, “I know that we’re manufacturing it and that they’re still trying to figure out how to replicate it perfectly.”  
“So, they don’t have the real thing?” he asked scratching some words on the paper.  
“From the little, I heard, yes? But I honestly have no clue. All I’ve heard were the results of it were-,” I stopped myself, eyeing Kaz up and down. He was a businessman, Kaz could give you his hand for stability and lead you to the highest bidder. “Why should I tell you all of this?”  
Clenching his fist around his pen, he said, “My friend fights with the Second Army, I like to hope that she’s safe.”  
“Why is she your friend?” I asked him.  
“Well... “ Kaz chuckled, “she was one of the most excellent Heatrenders. It would be dumb of me to make her my enemy.”  
I scratched my head, “And, you’re certain that none of this information will ever leave this room?”  
“The best spy left the Barrel for a better life, don’t blame her,” his eyes glued themselves to the window as a frown crossed his face, “she never wanted to be here anyway.”  
I nodded, “The results that I heard about were rather unfortunate for the Grisha, they all either killed everyone around them and after a couple of minutes themselves or upon injection a liquid would gush out of their mouth, ears, and nose, afterward they had heightened powers, but couldn’t verbalize any sound. From what I heard, the Grisha was then executed, but that could all be a lie, they could have run away.”  
Kaz set down his pen, “Have you ever encountered a Grisha in Shu Han?”  
“I was told that they were the ones who killed me,”  
“Really?”  
“And that must have been the only time I had ever seen one in Shu Han,” I explained to him.  
He sighed and rested his head, “Do you have information on where the factories that make Parem are?”  
“Do you have a map?” I asked him.  
His gloves rustled through his desk and pulled out a map of Shu Han.  
I put my finger down on the mountains, “This right here is where they not only manufacture Parem but also Khergud.”  
Kaz cocked an eyebrow, “Why there? It has to be hard for resources to get out there,”  
“They train us all along the mountains, it’s a scare tactic to all those thinking of escaping the country. If the tribes there choose to rebel, we’d be able to not only block off help from Ravka but also stop them from having any escalating conflict before it gets too big.”  
“But why the Parem?”   
“I can only assume they intend to use mind-control on the Grisha, along with the fact that it’d be suspicious to foreigners if a whole cart of dead people were hauled out every day.”  
He frowned, “And, these factories, can you find them? Do they have maps?”  
I shook my head. “As far as I know, the maps don’t exist.”  
Kaz glared at the map beneath him, “We’re going to go there, and blow stuff up.”  
A chuckle escaped me, “You can’t do that. They’ll figure out what you’re doing.”  
“The tribes you mentioned before, are they anti-government?”  
“Yes,”  
“Would they help us?”  
“I don’t know. They’re loose cannons.”  
Kaz picked a small knife from his desk, “I have a way of convincing people,”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,”  
“Don’t worry, I won’t kill more people than you have,”  
I sucked my teeth, “I still don’t think killing these people is a good--,”  
“Have you not killed them before?”  
“Yes, but under the government’s instructions,”  
“But you still did it, not caring about right or wrong at that moment,” Kaz pointed his knife at me, “I’m a monster, and I know it. You’re a monster and even though you’re metal, you still can’t own up to who you are.”  
I clutched my arms and bit my lip, “Don’t we all make mistakes?”  
“My mistakes weren’t apart of genocide,”  
“But I’ve changed!”  
“How? Honestly speaking, all you did was feel bad for a child. How can you think that you’ve changed? I’ve seen the way you grimace when you see that Fabrikator and Corporalki I send you to--,”  
“Can you just, stop? I want to help, okay, I want to put this thing that was carved into my brain away, but it won’t just go away,”  
“You want to help?” Kaz asked.  
“Yes, more than anything,” I laid my head on his desk, “I just want to prove to Sander that I’m not like the rest of them.”  
“Good,” Kaz chuckled, “we leave for Shu Han in a week, pack you bags, make sure the little Inferni doesn’t stowaway.”


	6. Chapter 6

The cloak draped over my wings swayed as the wind continued to pick up. The salty air stuck to my face.  
“So, Bhez Ju?” a Sulli girl leaning against the rail asked Kaz.  
Kaz nodded and handed the girl a crate, “First Bhez Ju, then we head North towards Koba, right?” he looked back to me.  
I nodded, “From Koba, you can easily get a ride into the mountains. Then, just ask someone who seems to know too much and have them tell you the nearest Jurda Parem factory,”  
The girl chuckled, “So, Kaz somehow drug you into his schemes? To be honest, I never expected to see a Khergud working with the Crows. It’s almost as though the Saints willed it so,”  
I chuckled and walked up the ramp and boarded the ship. With each step, a loud metallic thud followed.   
The girl was tiny next to me, her skin shone golden with the sun beaming down on her, “I’ll be your captain for this journey, I’m Inej,” she extended her hand.  
I shook her hand and smiled back at her, “Your eyes hold a sadness deeper than the ocean below you,”  
Inej nodded and swiped a stray hair that had escaped her braid from her forehead, “Tragedy just follows some of us around,”  
Kaz hobbled up the ramp, his cane cracking against the ramp.  
“We’re all here?” Inej asked.  
Kaz turned and did a quick headcount, “We have our gun, our spider, our bomb, our brains,” he gestured towards himself, “and now, our bird.” His cane tapped my shoulder.  
I smiled.  
“Okay then, I’ll get her out of here,” Inej smiled, “my crew will help you if you need it.”  
Kaz glared at her. A chuckle escaped her lips, “And may the Saints bless our journey,”  
I smiled back at her as she took her place behind the wheel.  
“Go on and introduce yourself to the rest of the crew,” Kaz suggested.  
I shrugged my shoulders, “They probably all hate me.”  
“They don’t hate me,”  
“But I’m worse than you,”  
“I have torn out someone’s eye in front of them, all you have to do is explain to them that you were brainwashed for several years, Wylan will get it.”  
“Wylan?” I asked.  
“He’s the blond, curly hair,” Kaz explained.  
“So he’s like blond Sander?”  
“No, different nose,”  
“How different?”  
“His nose is a bit more…” Kaz started gesturing with his hands, “I’m no poet, just go see him yourself.”  
The boat pulled forward with a jerk. My hands gripped the railing and I looked back to Kaz who did the same, a frown still apparent on his face.  
The boat steadied and I headed towards the hull of the boat where the boy who had met me in the Crow Club sat and another boy nestled on his lap, his head buried in his shoulder.  
“Hello,” I waved at the two.  
They chuckled and the one blond handed me a bottle, “Welcome to the crew!” he slurred.  
“He’s drunk,” the other one explained, “his name’s Wylan, I’m Jesper.”  
“Jesper,” I stopped myself and sighed, “I’m sorry about whatever first impression you had from me. I’m from Shu Han, I get that I could be intimidating, and I’m sorry for everything terrible I’ve done to Grisha.” I sniffed the air, catching the Lotus scent off of him. “Oh God, you’re Grisha aren’t you! God, I’m so sorry.”  
Jesper shrugged, “Listen, it’s okay I guess, we’ve both been trained to kill, right?”  
“Did you go to the Little Palace?” I asked him, “I heard they tortured people there.”  
“No, I’m from Novyi Zem,” he explained, “Have you ever been there?”  
“No,”  
“I’ve never been to Shu Han either,” his smile shone bright like the moon, “I’ve been to Fjerda.”  
I gasped, “How did you get there?”  
Jesper chuckled, “Just the crazy man with a plan, he needed me.”  
Wylan giggled, “Crazy man Kaz! He doesn’t like it when I play the flute, so I brought mine with me this time!”  
“Why is he drunk already?” I asked.  
“Mental preparation for this whole… mess,” Jesper shrugged, “Sometimes Kaz makes you do mental gymnastics, I started drinking just to calm myself down a little.”  
I nodded, “Can I have some?”  
“First, tell me your name,” Jesper asked.  
“My name is Lifen,”   
“Lifen? Very Shu Han-y,” Jesper nodded and handed me the bottle.  
“My name has a meaning. I don’t know the proper Kerch to explain it,” I took a sip from the bottle and gagged, “It tastes terrible!”  
Wylan and Jesper burst into laughter, “That’s the whole point,” Jesper explained, “Price to pay for a small drink.”  
I sat down on the deck and stared up at the two, “Are you two… lovers?”  
Wylan let out a howling laugh, “This is my bitch!”  
I shot up an eyebrow, “That’s not normally what lovers call each other in Kerch, is it?”  
Jesper shook his head, “I would have called him my sweetheart, but, in this context, it means the same thing.”  
I nodded, “I hope I have a bitch someday,”  
Jesper started chuckling, “That’s one way to put it,”  
I handed the bottle back to him, “I don’t like it,”  
Jesper took a swig of it as Wylan reached his pasty hands towards the bottle, “No more beer for you,”  
“Why not?” Wylan mumbled.  
“You’ll be puking up your guts tomorrow,”  
“When will we be in Shu Han?” Wylan asked.  
“Give it a couple of days, okay?”   
Wylan nodded and shut his eyes, “Okay,”

Several days of cards, sleep, and food passed until our boat pulled into a dock. Every night, Wylan would play his flute as loud as possible and Jesper would drum on a pan to whatever tune Wylan had going on. Kaz would scowl in the background, and Inej would appear out of thin air to tap Wylan on the shoulder and make his entire face loose all of its color. After Wylan’s daily flute playing, Jesper would urge me to tell folk tales from Shu Han.   
I was hesitant. But then, I would light up a candle and sit down in a circle, Jesper’s dark eyes would twinkle and Wylan’s head would droop onto Jesper’s shoulder. Then, I heaved in a breath and started telling the tales.  
The days passed quickly with our odd agenda.  
The sea sloshed me awake on the final day.  
I threw my hair into tight braids and buttoned up the last few buttons on my shirt and tied the cloak over my wings. If they were to be revealed at any time, our entire mission would fail and I would kill more people than I had ever intended.  
Sander was safely tucked away in Kerch with an entire gang to keep him safe. The Dregs had taken a liking to him once he got out of bed. He helped mop the floors, and cook in the kitchen, meanwhile, I was a bouncer that hid on the side and only ever stepped in the light when things got bad.  
I added a clip over the knot of my cloak and smiled at my reflection in the small mirror, no one could recognize me.  
We all wobbled off the boat and waved goodbye as the crew of the boat would sail it to Ravka. Inej let out a sigh and waved goodbye to her crew.  
“We should join a group of tourists,” Jesper said.  
“Yes, but I need a Deel or a Changyi,” I explained.  
“Why? Isn’t it easier to fight in pants?” Inej asked.  
“I was trained to fight in those types of clothes,” I explained, “But if you want me to appear like a tour guide, I should probably be embracing the culture.”  
Kaz nodded, “Where do we get one?”  
I pointed at a clothesline, “There’s the perfect deel,”  
“That’s stealing,” Inej stated.  
“Stealing from the rich,” I smiled, “Do you know how rare it is to find a deel in the middle of Bhez Ju? And then having the perfect one right in front of you?”  
“So, city-dwellers don’t wear Deels?” Inej asked.  
“Correct! They have no reason to, they annexed the entire mountains that used to almost entirely be nomadic tribes, it’s not apart of their culture, so,” I shrugged.  
“I’ll get it for you then,” Inej smiled. She walked down the dock and disappeared into the crowd, the deel disappeared from the line, and Inej handed me the deel, “Is this good?”  
I nodded, “I’ll find a thick section of trees to change behind, after that we’re heading straight towards Koba,”  
I trudged behind a tree and threw on the green deel, my braids flowing behind me. A smile crossed my face as the familiar warmth surrounded me. Two giant slits were torn into the back. I slowly forced the wings through and tied the cloak back over my wings.  
I jogged back to the group as we trudged through the marketplace, carts of fish, fruits, and silks bustled back and forth.  
Within a couple of hours, we had found ourselves in an inn next to a stream on the outer part of the city.  
A man sat in the lobby, staring at me as I asked the lady for two rooms. Two keys were placed in my hands, I gave one to Kaz. I glanced back at the man staring at me, he had sleepy eyes and a wide grin, two muscular arms that seemed best fit for physical labor.  
The man walked towards me, his smile widening.  
Inej shoved me forward, I complied, grumbling.  
The man ran up the stairs and gripped my wrist and flicked me around, his expression lighting up as he saw my face.  
I snapped my hand away and backed up the stairs.  
“Get away from her!” Inej yelled.  
He stared at her, confused at her use of Kerch.  
I quickly translated.  
The corners of his mouth collapsed, his eyes starting to tear up, “No, no, please don’t leave me, just stay down here for a second, please?”  
“No,” I replied and continued down the hall.  
The man let out a grumble as I walked away, Jesper glared at the man, hand clutched around the handle of his gun. Before we rounded the corner, the man let out a scream.  
“I know you!”


	7. Chapter 7

I crossed my arms, “How do you know me?”   
The man fell to his knees and sobbed, “What did they do to you? You used to be so beautiful with skin the color of the rising sun, now you’re drained of all color, your eyes aren’t even as bright as they used to be.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Why did you steal my daughter’s face, you monster?” he asked.  
I blinked a few times, “I beg your pardon, I believe you’re mistaken.”  
“You died four years ago, you were just thirteen.” He wiped his nose, “You died from the Firepox, we took you to a doctor but it was too late. Your body was buried next to your grandfather’s, so how did you get here? Was my daughter truly possessed by something?”  
I stopped myself and took the man’s hand, and stared at Kaz, “He knows who I am,” I explained.  
The man stared back at Kaz, “You have a crippled friend from… Kerch?”  
I chuckled, “He’s not crippled, he could easily kill you in a matter of seconds.”  
He raised an eyebrow, “He’s too scrawny for that,”  
“Believe me,”  
“Sir, you must promise to keep quiet after I tell you this if you scream that scary man will kill you,” I pointed back at Kaz.  
He nodded.  
“I am… Khergud… escorting these foreigners around the city,”  
His eyebrows shot up, “You piece of metal junk! How dare you have the face of my daughter!”  
“You don’t like Khergud?” I asked.  
“Of course I don’t! They’ve ruined trading anywhere near the mountains! No business comes through there anymore because people think we’ve done war crimes against our country!”  
I nodded, “Good because I’m an ex-Khergud,”  
“You can’t just undo the fact that you’re a monster with my daughter’s face,”  
I stopped myself, remembering the dream I had weeks ago, “Can I play the morin-khurr?”  
“What?”  
“When I was your daughter, could I play the morin-khurr?”   
“Yes, you weren’t any good at it, but you could keep tempo decently,” he explained.  
“I remember you,”  
“So explain to me, why are you a monster now? I never gave the government the right to make you into a monster,” he explained.  
“I thought you did, that’s the whole reason we were there, they told us our parents didn’t care about us. That they didn’t want to use their money to bury us properly in the ground.”  
He scratched his head, “Well… we weren’t allowed to throw you a proper funeral in case you spread the disease to any of us. They buried a body, at the time I thought it was a little too tall to be you, but I didn’t think it could have been someone else.”  
I let out a loud squeak as my body tried to work tears that didn’t exist out of my eyes, “You never let them have me?”  
“No! I would be the world’s worst father if I let the government mutilate my dead daughter’s body,” he explained, “and clearly, that wasn’t even enough.”  
I grabbed his hands, “What was my name?”  
“Khulan Yul-Ganbold,” he smiled and stared at my gloved hands, “I’m so sorry that you’re made of nothing but steel now.”  
I frowned, “I am steel and blood.”  
He shrugged, “I never thought they’d be so desperate for experiments that they would steal children’s bodies,”  
“If you never let them have me, how many are there on their family’s bidding?” I asked him.  
“We used to live close to one of the training centers, I saw countless sets of parents screaming to get their children back,” he explained, “I never suspected anything, but I don’t think they’re above it.”  
I rested my back against the wall, “They took my life away from me.”  
Inej put her hand on my shoulder, “What did this man just tell you?”  
I buried my face in her shoulder, “They’ve been stealing children, they stole me, and probably countless others.”  
“Do we have any evidence?” Kaz asked, “we can’t just ruin the place in Shu Han that is filled with super soldiers that can rip us all apart with their fingers.”  
“What if we get them all on our side?” I asked him.  
“How would we do it? They’re all brainwashed war machines,” Kaz pointed out.  
“We all hate being there, at night we all sit in a circle and whisper fables of what life would have been like before we died,” I explained, “all you have to do is give them hope. Hope that life exists for them outside of the walls of a training facility where they’re treated like acid.”  
Kaz furrowed his brow, “I don’t know if that would work,”  
“If we get them on our side, we can topple the hunting of Grisha,”   
Jesper nodded, “That would be a good step in the right direction.”  
Inej tapped Kaz’s shoulder, “Even if we can get a couple of them on our side, it would make blowing up the factory easier.”  
The man, my father, looked at me, confused, “What are they saying?”  
“We’re discussing our anarchist agenda,” I explained, “you should go to the room you booked, eat dinner, have a good night’s sleep, and then pretend you never saw me.”  
He frowned, “Will you be able to find me again?”  
I sighed, “I’m only half the person your daughter was. I’ve killed, I’ve done terrible things all for a country that lets its people starve.”  
“I’ll give you my name, in case you ever need a place to hide,” he smiled, “I’m Jebke Yul-Ganbold,”  
I smiled back at him, “I doubt you’d ever want to be associated with me after what I’ve done.”  
“You’re still my daughter, somewhere deep down in there,” Jebke smiled, “deep down in there, you remember all of this. You just need to remember.”  
“Goodbye, I hope fortune follows you,” I hugged him, “I’m going to go with my friends and come up with a plan that will help all of us run free.”  
Jebke waved to me, “Have fun?”  
I waved, slowly turning in, memorizing ever wrinkle on the man’s face.   
Jesper put his hand on my shoulder, “It’s okay, I know what’s it like to leave your family for something they won’t be proud of.”  
“But he’s proud of me,” I explained.  
Inej held my hand, “I know what it’s like to have your family ripped away from you. It sucks, but at least you found them.”  
I nodded, “We have to start planning for our little adventure, and soon.”  
We congregated in one room, sitting in a circle. Kaz pulled out a map I had marked up on the trip over, pointing out each of the Khergud and Parem facilities. “So, this one is a lot more straightforward compared to the Ice Court,” the group chuckled.  
“You’ve been to the Ice Court?” I asked.  
“Oh boy, did we go to the Ice Court,” Wylan chuckled, “We all almost died, Nina somehow took Parem and survived? Don’t know how that works, but now she’s not a Heartrender, and instead some undead thing? Very crazy, long story.”  
“You all seem like you have long stories,”  
“I have a story so long it’s a chapter book,” Kaz laughed, “now let’s stop and figure this out. Wylan, blow stuff up, as per usual. Make sure you have your explosives ready before this all happens. Jesper, make sure of that. Inej, you and Lifen find documents proving that Khergud are stolen bodies. Lifen, my darling, you rip out the throats of anyone that gets in our way.”  
I stopped him, “But I don’t want to kill any more people.”  
“That sucks, but you really aren’t good for much else.”  
Inej smacked the back of his head, “What he means to say, is that you could easily just break their leg or something non-lethal instead of killing them.”  
I nodded, “I’ll do that.”  
“Jesper and I will help escort any Grisha out, Wylan can join us because we won’t be blowing up the building at that moment for obvious reasons,” Kaz scanned the room, “Questions?”  
Jesper raised his hand, “So, how am I, a Grisha, supposed to go into a building filled with machines that can smell whether or not you’re a Grisha?”  
“Drench yourself in something very, very smelly,” I explained.  
“No,” Jesper smiled back at me, “I’d rather die than smell like dead fish.”  
Wylan threw up his hand, “What if we had stink bombs? Wouldn’t they essentially confuse the heck out of Khergud?”  
“That works too,”  
“That settles it if it goes wrong, then looks like we’re all screwed, huh?” Kaz pulled his glove tighter on his hand, “No mourners, no funerals.”  
The group echoed him and promptly dispersed back to our rooms.


	8. Chapter 8

In our hours of walking, Jesper and I talked about our childhoods. He explained to me how gorgeous every bend of Novyi Zem was. It was a place filled with waterfalls that reflected rainbows to whoever looked at them. He grew up along the coast, which was known for agriculture. His eyes filled with brightness when he explained how his favorite foods tasted.  
“Do you like Kerch or Novyi Zem more?” I asked him.  
He chuckled, “They’re both very different places. Novyi Zem is where I’ll go back to when I want to settle down. Everything there is so much more vibrant than Kerch, the weather is nice, the music is better, and the food is immaculate. I sacrificed everything once I joined the Dregs, my dad’s still mad about it; it’s not completely terrible, just rough around the edges. Kerch is where I love right now, but, as time passes, opinions change. Sometimes you just want to take your boyfriend, escape all conflicts, and start a farm in Novyi Zem.”  
“I’m the same way with Shu Han; it’s you know… controlling its citizens. I’m a prime example. I love everything here, the food, the smells, the views, but, if I was a regular citizen, I don’t think I’d want to stay here.”  
Jesper nodded, “It sucks when the place where you grew up wasn’t as great as you thought it was when you were a kid.”  
We waved down a carriage that pulled us through more of the countryside. Inej tried to make conversation with me, and I just smiled, feeling sleep pull my eyelids shut.  
On the horizon, a murky gray building stood contrasting with the gentle greens and lulling hills around it. The building was made of brick and seemed more fit for the aesthetics of Kerch than in the countryside.  
Inej wrinkled her nose, “That’s where they keep Khergud?”  
“For the most part, yes, it's easy to defend the mountains if we ever decide we don’t like Ravka,” I explained, “also, not many people around to be suspicious of dead bodies.”  
“And, there are Grisha in there, too?” she asked.  
I bit my lip, “On occasion, yes, but they’re usually either corpses or soon to be dead.”  
“Can you get us through the building?” Kaz asked.  
“Yes,” I smiled back at him, “Once I take care of the Khergud, it should be easy sailing.”  
He nodded, “Get out any living Grisha, then blow the place to bits.”  
Inej smiled and laced her boots up tighter, storing one of her many knives into her boot, “No mourners, no funerals.”  
I waved to Jesper and Wylan and ran off with Inej. I ripped off the cloak covering my wings and took flight, picking her up. I heaved Inej up and dropped her on the roof of the building and landed next to her.  
“Smooth flying considering you haven’t flown in months,”  
I chuckled, “Thanks,”  
“So, where’s this office?”  
“It should be directly below us, Captain Xia might still be in there though,” I explained.  
Inej nodded and flicked her braid back, shoving her hands into two fingerless gloves, she said, “When we get the information, how are we going to convince the others? After all, they’re all brainwashed.”  
“You can stay as far away as you’d like, whether or not they deconstruct me should be my problem, and mine only,” Lei could easily rip me to shreds without batting an eye. Would it even matter that she used to be friends with me at that moment?  
Inej placed her hand on my shoulder, “It’s okay, the Saints, they’re on your side,”  
I smiled, “Too bad I know nothing about them,”  
She rolled her eyes and looked around the roof, “There’s no easy way to get in, is there?”  
“Kick open a window?” I suggested.  
“With what?”  
“Gee, I don’t know, my metal foot, maybe?”  
She bit her lip, “Okay, not my brightest moment.”  
I swung down over the side of the building and smashed the glass with my foot. My feet landed on Captain’s chair; Inej rolled into the room, she pressed a finger to her hands and started searching through the desk, “What characters am I looking for?” she asked.  
I tore through the drawer next to hers, “No idea,”  
“He probably hid these documents. Is there a safe anywhere in here?”  
“Not that I know of,”  
Inej’s eyes fell on the side of the desk, where a small bump protruded from the wood, her eyes fell back down to the gap between the drawers. She pressed down on the button, and the top of the desk clicked. A large metal box with ink spilled on the top of it sat there. She smiled and began to pick the lock.  
I kept searching through the drawers, eventually finding the individual Khergud profiles. I flipped through until I found mine, labeled with my name and number, 342.   
I flicked it open, a brief description of me started the document, and on the bottom had my most recent infraction, deserting. A picture of me was pinned to the file, my features blurry from the camera but still identifiable. My eyes shut, blood traced my cheeks. My lips lacked any sort of color, and my skin was chipped and sewn back together in various areas across my face. I was half dead.  
The middle of the document stated the region I was from, and who were my parents while living. The names didn’t match up.  
I raised my eyebrow, “That’s suspicious,”  
“What?”  
“Wrong name for my parents,” I explained.  
“Not enough to prove this is all illegal.”  
I shrugged, “How’s the lock?”  
Inej smiled as the box clicked open.  
I picked the papers out and started skimming over, I cleared my throat and read the sentence that popped off the page, “Subjects 263-369 taken without consent of parents due to lack of enlisting bodies.”  
A list continued, after each identification number stated how many subjects willfully given to the government.  
Inej handed me a photo. People lined on the tables; every other body had a hole in their chest, the next body had their chest completely stitched shut. I gulped.  
“Those must all be you before the wings?” she asked.  
I shook my head, “Half of them are Grisha. We took their spleens out and put it in someone else,”  
“Oh,” she handed me another document, “What does this say?”  
I skimmed through, “It’s just keeping track of the expenses they spend on whatever.”  
“Does it have anything for paying off parents?”  
I nodded, “But it’s not nearly enough for the amount of us there have been.”  
Inej fumbled through the box, “Why would Captain Xia keep all of this here?”  
A board creaked in the front of the room, Inej pulled two knives out of her coat and pointed it towards the silhouette in the door.  
“Who are you?” I growled.  
The man puffed his cigar, “Captain Xia,” he pulled the door behind him, “I’m surprised you’re not dead yet, Lifen,”  
“You knew what was going on here the whole time?” I asked him.  
He chuckled, “Of course I did, I’m not a captain for no reason, now am I?”  
“You knew this entire time that they were stealing dead bodies, and you did nothing about it?” I hissed.  
“Listen, sweetheart, we even go out there and kill some people to put them into our forces,” he explained, “I don’t care. They’re all just the disgusting nomads anyways,”  
“Why haven’t you called any back up yet?” I asked him.  
He sighed, “I shouldn’t have all of those documents in the first place. If those brainwashed birds see it, I’m over with.”  
Inej chucked a knife at him that pinned his jacket to the door. He sighed, “This was my new one, too,”  
I picked him up by his collar, “Why did you not help any of us? You lied to all of us, you abused all of us, making us all think no one else would ever want us, and then you teach us how to kill people like we’re soldiers and not children?”  
Captain Xia laughed, “I did all of that, I felt a little bad at times, but I just figured, I get paid pretty damn well for it to not pay off in the end.”  
I plucked the knife out of his jacket and chucked him to Inej; she caught him.  
“Tie him up or something,”  
Inej ripped his jacket into and tied both pieces around him.  
“You going to the other Khergud?”  
“Yes,”   
Captain Xia laughed, “You’re going to need more evidence than a piece of paper for that,”  
I mocked his laugh, “I’ll just stick some knives into you and wait until you squeak,”  
Inej bit her lip, “You’re kind of having a little bit of a Kaz moment,”  
“Don’t care!”  
I stormed out of the room, sprinting to the barracks.  
“Lei!” I yelled.  
All eyes of Khergud snapped to me. Lei pressed both of her hands to her mouth, “You’ve found the path again?” she asked.  
“That doesn’t matter!” I yelled, “You’ve all believed a liar! You were all stolen!”  
A boy rolled his eyes, “Why should I trust a traitor?”  
“I have proof! This document states that over half of us were stolen from graves,” I showed them all the paper.  
Lei sighed, “Lifen, I’m sorry, but that doesn’t change the fact you disobeyed direct orders to make your country better.”  
“No, Lei, you don’t get it, do you? We were wanted before this, our families all loved us enough to know not to send us here, and these monsters dug our bodies up and cut into them like we were animals!”  
“Where’s the other proof?” another boy asked.  
I held up the financial document, “This shows how much people are getting paid for their deceased being Khergud. The number is far too low, seeing how high the promised amount was, along with the fact that there are hundreds of us!”  
Lei plucked the paper out of my hands and looked around to the rest of the room, “She’s right.”  
Everyone started to whisper.  
“Does that mean… we’re all stolen?” a small boy asked.  
“Here, let’s go ask Captain Xia,” I guided the group down the hall. We all packed into his office, Inej holding a knife to his stomach.  
“Captain, is it true?” Lei asked him.  
He shook his head, “No, no, none of it’s true, don’t believe the traitor,”  
Inej started to poke the knife through him, “Come on buddy, tell the truth,”  
Tears streamed down his face, “Please, I have kids,”  
I mocked him, “You have kids? I used to be someone’s kid too!”  
He glanced around the room, “What she said… was true,”  
Inej smiled and took the knife out of his torso.  
“I supervised each of your removals from the ground, we stole some of you from the cremation pile, none of you are supposed to be here except a couple of you,” he explained, “It’s not my fault. It was direct orders from higher up. We figured that if we had more recruits, then more people would be willing to do it. But then the bodies started to pile up from a plague, and we figured why not?”  
A kid growled at him—the room filled with screams and tearless sobs.   
It was Temka that lurched first. He went straight for his arm.  
Several followed, Inej backed away and turned away from the carnage.   
After a few minutes, his screams stopped, and the room fell completely silent as they all stared at the blood on their metal hands.  
I picked him up and walked him towards the window. Inej stood in the corner, gagging and praying.  
“Goodbye,” I shoved him out of the window and waved as his body hit the ground with a thud.  
“Now, what are we going to do?” Lei asked.  
I glanced around the room. Blood was splattered faces frowned back at me with stoic eyes. “From here, we form a group. One that fights against the horrors Shu Han does to its people.”  
“I can’t go against this country,” Lei explained, “They’re here to help us, I mean,”  
“Lei, none of this would have happened if the government was actually for its people, we’re just war machines for the rich,”  
Lei nodded, “You’re right,”  
“We all rally together to protect the freedom of the people; we live within the mountain range and partner with the Grisha. We don’t stop until Shu Han listens to the people.”  
“You’re like Kaz, but opposite energy,” Inej pointed out.  
“Not right now, please,” I whispered back.  
They all stared at each other, Lei frowned at me, “You can’t tell us just to chuck our government out of the window, the only real evil guy here was Captain Xia,”  
I sighed, “Guys, we’re supposed to be smart.”  
“Are you suggesting that the government told him to steal bodies?”  
“Yes, why else would he do it? He wouldn’t care as long as he got paid at the end of the day,” I explained, “Heck, no one would have done any of this without money dangling before their face.”  
The group nodded.  
Lei shrugged her shoulders, “I trust you on this, but if it goes wrong, I’m heading right back.”  
I gulped, “That’s perfect! Free trial or something!”  
Inej nodded, “Let’s get out of this place before it blows!”  
I smiled and picked her up, hoisted myself out of the window, and flew far away. Blood from my hands dripping down her shoulders. I swooped towards Kaz, his jaw agape as the flock of Khergud followed.  
Inej giggled at his face, “He may be a killer, cheat, liar, and thief, but at least he has brief moments of fear.”  
I chuckled, “I’d be scared, too.” I plopped Inej down, my knees buckling when I hit the ground.  
Wylan chuckled and rubbed his hands together, “Oh, you’re going to love this one, here wait a sec,” he pulled a case of his knapsack and whipped out a flute. His hands danced as it assembled. He blew one note into it and started to play a happy tune.  
Kaz glared at him.  
Wylan held up his middle finger.  
The building burst into flames, windows shattered, bricks fell to the floor, and despite the noise of the wreckage, Wylan played on. His notes were inaudible over the boom.  
A crowd of people with hollowed cheeks and tear-stained faces cheered as the building imploded.  
Once the sound was just an echo in the mountains, I turned towards the group, “You’re all Grisha, aren’t you?”  
They nodded, taking several steps back and filing behind Kaz.  
I kneeled and bowed my head towards them, “I’m so sorry,”  
Lei tapped my shoulder, “They’re just Grisha,”  
I punched her kneecaps, forcing her to fall, “They’ve been to hell and back, the least we could do is show them human decency.”  
“They’re threats to society!”   
“Lei, we’re threats to society, too,” I pointed out.  
Kaz chuckled, “You’re all crows in my eyes,”  
Lei slapped a hand over her mouth, “Wait a minute.” The gears her head whirled.  
“They’re not evil; we’re the evil ones,”  
Her face stretched down, “No, no we’re not,”  
Lei stood up, “Leave the Grisha,”  
“No,”   
“Then I’m not going through with your crazy plan,”  
Kaz leaned in, “Beliefs aren’t worth killing all of us for, okay?”  
“I need to go back to Ketterdam anyways,”  
“Why?” Kaz asked.  
“To make sure Sander is eating well if anything happened to him, I’d die,” I explained.  
“Sander is going to Ravka, a close friend of mine is escorting him. Did he not tell you?”   
Inej put a hand on my shoulder, “I’ll make sure everyone’s okay back home; you lead them. Teach them. They need you more than Sander, you can write to him anytime,”  
I sighed, “Okay,”  
“Which one is it?” Lei asked.  
“I’m going with you,” I took a step forward, looking over my shoulder.  
Jesper frowned, “Don’t forget that Novyi Zem is a great place to lay low.”  
I chuckled as Lei tugged me forward, “We’re leaving before any big trouble comes our way,” she mumbled, “Stop talking to that Grisha,”  
I waved goodbye and took flight with Lei, flying endlessly towards the mountains.  
How long until I teach Lei empathy?  
We are war machines, after all.


	9. EPILOGUE

The group of Khergud had settled deep in the forest, a fire crackling as songs hummed through the trees. I perched myself on a root of a tree, a pen and paper I had stolen from some house in the countryside clutched in my hands. I smoothed the paper out against my legs and smiled as my thoughts filled with thoughts of Ketterdam.  
I started to write.

Dear Sander,  
The last I heard, you were leaving for the Little Palace to study. I hope you have a great time and make friends more suited to you. Learning fighting skills is always a blast, but never forget your values, even if they do change.   
I’m going to miss you. It will be a while until the Grisha are safe in Shu Han, but we have plans to blow up the main government building so none of this madness can happen. We have support for the majority of Northern Shu Han on our side. I’m trying my best to convince the other Khergud that Grisha are good people, it’s difficult to undo the brainwashing. It turns out they don’t have memories bouncing around their head as I do. Their opinions on Grisha are progressively getting better as I tell wondrous tales of the Grisha I met Ketterdam. They can’t believe you didn’t incinerate me when I was sleeping.  
I miss you. You’re a great friend, and I still think of you as my little brother. If anything happened to you, I would be devastated. Make sure to stay safe while you’re playing with fire.  
I still feel terrible about everything. It should have never been this way. It baffles me how much hatred is in this small world.  
Just don’t hate me if all of this goes wrong. The only reason I stuck with the Khergud was so the Grisha Kaz, Wylan, and Jesper had saved wouldn’t be in jeopardy. I would do anything to be back in Ketterdam with you gossiping over soup.  
-You’re Favorite Monster,  
Lifen

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my wonderful artists who have made absolutely gorgeous art for this fic!  
> Find them on Tumblr:  
> @ punchsomeoneforme-willyou  
> @ offrostandflames  
> @ dearzoyas  
> @ wisdomofchase  
> And thanks to my wonderful editor, @ kestrel221


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